I wasn't feeling well this morning. and i woke up late. So my dad allowed me to not go to school. i was feeling so guilty. Anyway, I wanted to get up, but ended up dosing off at 8.. That was when i had my three hour nightmare. Its the first in years..

In the dream, my mother passed away.. i can't remember much. I remember that after we found out, i had no reactino.I remember my dad being very very sad. And the broke down before me.. then i suddenly had a lot of flashbacks of the good times with the family. then i felt very sad. i even remembered somethihing that happened ytd. about the fight over the conputer. the next hting i knew i broke down in tears. Then I suddenly had an image of a shadowed man walking around some pillars. It seemed like a void deck.I remember having a fmaily dinner after that.The room was greyish and dark.. like it was at night.The empty chairs opposite me were a pale blue.There was a lot of raw meat on the table. As well as ba gua. =_= I don't know why.I could hear my grandmothers voice. And i imagines her face. But i couldn't see her..She wasked everyone to eat more and sutff. She sounded devastated...Next to me were my mother's siblings and in-laws..I couldn't really see them either.. Not their faces, anyyway.But i remember my baby couisn.I took a piece of meat and put in on my plate.But i didn't eat it.I cried as i tried to eat a piece.Then i just put down my chopsitcks.And cried. and cried. and cried.Then i felt like my sister was there. But she wasn't.She was at home. She didn't know it happened.I remember this part so clearly. I took out my Sony Erricsson phone (same as brandon's)Then I typed this out. I could see my fingers typing it.. almost feeling the keypad.. i typed:

Jie jie, i'll let you use the computer today first.. and let you *sometextmissingduetostm* i'm sorry.. Jie jie, theres something you need to know.. Mommy.. she..

The message stopped there. And i woke up from the dream panting in cold sweat, my heart was beating so fast.. and my pillow was a bit wet and damp, like from tears.It seemed so real... I felt so relieved that it was just a dream...

I didnt know # was on your side. If i knew, i wouldn't have told him. I'm so confused right now. I don't know, really. What if you really completed the dare.. And I was stupid enough to say yes when it was just a dare?? please don't do such stupid things like that again. It makes you scared and makes me feel like a total idiot. Maybe i'm not the one. Maybe its someone else. That'll be even worse. heh. But if you really were to ask, I wouldn't know how to say no.. I know i said dunno before.. And its true. Studies isn't an excuse for me. I really DO want to focus on studies.. Unless of course. You have your ways of winning my heart back.. I like fairy tale endings.. But my heart is unsure if you're fit to be my prince charming and my knight in shining armor.. It'll take a miracle to bring us back together.. But remember. I'm a girl with a soft-heart. just one thing can win me back.. but only If everything goes right.. remember that not all fairy tales.. have a happy ending.. I'm very choosy about boys.. You use to be the only boy i was willing to give my first relationship to.. but what if the wheel turns again? The person might no longer be you..